a weighty issue.

i’m not sure how else to approach this meaty subject without getting right into it. so, here goes:

i’m a chunker; i like to overeat and i like to avoid exercising like it’s my job.

now, i could sit here and regurgitate some random quote i found online about there just being more of me to love – or i could even go the other way and make myself out to be some sort of victim. i’m not feeling either of those approaches today. instead, i’m going to share with you a letter my 24-year-old self wrote. i do ask that you kindly overlook the corniness of it all – because let’s be honest, it’s pretty corny.

::ahem::

“Dearest Me:

I started off writing this letter with a question. The question simply put was: where do I begin? But, I am tired of questioning myself. This letter was designed in my mind to do the complete opposite- to start answering the doubts.

Since I can remember, I have wanted to lose weight for the obvious reason that I am overweight. It’s technically as simple as that. Then again, that hasn’t done enough for me up until now. I wanted to start a new approach where I confront myself with all the reasons, and blatant excuses, that I give myself to keep me from becoming healthy and becoming the me on the outside that I want to be. I should begin about how I feel now about my physical self…

I don’t hate myself- nor do I necessarily hate the person I see when I look in the mirror. I’m a big believer in the power and beauty of our souls and minds. Perhaps that is my #1 excuse, but it is an excuse that has worked to exercise and strengthen my belief in me as a human. In the end, I love myself. There are times, however, when I do look at a picture of myself and fall short of almost vomiting in my mouth. The person I am looking at in the picture does not reflect the person I feel that I am. So, with that- I want to change. I want to have some sort of equilibrium with myself. I’m not looking to be perfect, I am simply looking to become stronger; to become healthier; to prove to myself that I can finally do something that I put my heart, soul- and finally- body into it.

I believe that I will be more inclined- and successful- in losing weight if I begin a regiment that includes waking up early in the morning to exercise.  5:00 a.m., however, is not always the most appealing time to wake up, especially for someone who enjoys late night t.v. watching and late night b.s.ing. The truth of the matter is losing weight- and waking up early to do so- is way more important than catching tonight’s episode of the family guy and two and a half men…and it’s definitely more important than catching up on celebrity gossip. Things like that are ridiculously mundane in the grand scheme of things and will ultimately get me nowhere closer to my goals. The home in which my soul and mind reside in needs to start becoming a priority in my life. In this physical world, it is the tangible surface of my body that sustains my inner self; therefore, shouldn’t I be taking better care of it, shouldn’t that be my number 1 priority? So, I say to myself- wake up! Make some effort in fighting for what you want, after all- the final reward is all yours anyway. Stop waiting for Monday to come to start. Better yet, stop waiting for a Monday that never comes to come. That Monday you wait for every week is never guaranteed.  Just as time is man-defined, you must define that “Monday” and you must take control.

Food. I love and hate you. But it is a hate that comes from my very own lack of self-control. I need to learn how to eat when I am hungry. My body needs to be sustained; it does not, however, need to be a garbage disposal. I should not feel obligated to eat everything that is on my plate, even though I am full.  I am no longer a child visiting my grandparent’s house; I am a woman in control of what enters my body- and how much. So, stop overeating! That excessive food is just as useless in your body as it is in a literal garbage can. Even that last tiny bit is not necessary if your body says no. Eat when you are hungry; eat and listen to your body…in this case, your body knows best.

My two biggest foes – food and exercise – I hope the three of us can now engage in a healthy relationship.”

there you have it: a moment in time of weight loss motivation-turned-failure via a random letter to myself that never got me to shed even one pound. {and what was i thinking with all of those philosophical undertones? i should know better than to be so serious with myself. :)}

so, what does this all mean?

it means it’s time to take that letter into consideration and perhaps even write myself a new one. this time it might be abbreviated to: get your ass up and on that elliptical you wasted your accumulated hard-earned credit card points on and stop eating all that crap you don’t even like. keeping it simple this time. 🙂

now, i’ve loved myself my whole chubby existence, but i’m officially at my heftiest and less than thrilled with the way i feel and look. i’m “lucky” enough to now have the time and resources to finally put some real effort into losing weight, so i need to get my act together and do something about it. with that being said, i’m going to make a very bold statement as a professional quitter: i am going to eat healthy food + portion sizes and i’m going to exercise. and i am going to stick to it {finally}.  AND i’m going to keep you updated on my progress just so that i hold myself accountable for this very big and bold adventure.

i’ll save all of us the embarrassment of putting up a “before” picture and the “shame” of categorizing myself into a weight category. {i’ll save all of that for when i’m in the “after” phase. ;)} it won’t be easy and it won’t be quick, but i’m ridiculously nervous thrilled about this. 🙂

wishing all of you fellow life revampers the absolute best in your own weight loss + strengthening journey. 🙂

<3 always,

ana patricia

p.s. this is a little awkward but, um, i do want to briefly mention that i will be in atlantic city from today-saturday and then hosting mother’s day on sunday. this new lifestyle will commence on monday. i promise. 😉

and in lieu of putting up a designated “before” picture, i will share with you instead a picture of me and two of my best friends – dema + tina – who i will be celebrating with in atlantic city. 🙂

dema, tina + me: central park 2012

do you have a weighty issue/story?